Too Much Sleep?

So, all my blogs seem to be at night. Eh oh well. I'm sitting here kinda bored actually. Well I mean I am bored but I have a lot on my mind too. I have this person in my life who is really sick and he doesn't have health insurance worth a damn. He's been in the hospital all week and I wish I could do more to help him. I have been thinking about trying to raise money for him but I don't know how to go about it. He's actually in need of a liver transplant. I don't know. It's all scary for me. I don't want anything happening to him. I just wish I could help, that I could do more. I feel helpless and I know it must be worse for him. I just don't know. My mind has been mulling over this stuff. But somehow I'm not even thinking. Just kinda here. . . I wish I knew what to do......

Back to School

Back to school and homework it is. Ah, the joys of life. At least on the upside my classes aren't as bad as I had thought they would be. So I may be able to actually have a life beyond studying this year. It's crazy. I will probably be working a lot though. Which I don't mind as much at Sgt... Pepper's. I like my boss people a lot. They are a lot of fun and it isn't really like work. Which makes it easier to go to work. ( If you are reading this you should totally go to Sgt.. Pepper's. It's behind the new McDonald's by the H.S.. Ask for directions if you need to! You won't regret it.) SO I'm considering a sorority cause I want to do more and have more fun this year. Aside from cleaning my house this year shouldn't be as hectic. Which I am more than looking forward to. I get to finish my tattoo Friday too! I can't wait. It will look awesome. I got to design it myself. Also does anyone know when the seasons start again for the WB? I feel so out of the loop! LOL. Anyway short blog today. I gotta do homework and clean and what not!

Days

Ever have one of those days when you wish your life wasn't your life? That's the kind of day I'm having today. It has been a hellish and nonstop ordeal of a day. Today was Ruben's birthday bash. I knew they would be drinking and all but . . . Let's start at the beginning. We woke up later than we were supposed to and I ended up running around cleaning the house and then he went with his brother to get some stuff to set out the outdoors. I didn't mind too much. So we ran our errands and were running late and all. Not a big deal though cause no one showed up until after 5 p.m. . Only one person showed up around 3 when it started. Granted he started Ruben off with shots instead of just beer. Well, while I was making Ruben's cake I realized he had gotten the wrong kind of icing. So I asked him to pick it up while he was out. Well he got vodka instead. Which we didn't need. For some reason drinking bothers me terribly with him. I don't care who else drinks but I get all tense and frustrated and angry like when he drinks. I don't know why. I wish I knew how to make it better. So he continued to drink and hang out with everyone outside while I sat inside keeping an eye on the house and trying to work on the cakes. So I finally decided to go get the right icing. While I was driving I was so upset with him starting off by getting drunk fast that I missed my stop completely. Too irritated to run around I just continued on to my Grammy's, hoping I could let off some steam there. I was there about 30 minutes. When I cam home Ruben was all mad and grouchy about me leaving. Then one of the girls that was here told me that the others were all talking about me and getting into my business. Which, needless to say didn't help my mood. Well Ruben yelled at me in the back room and then I stayed inside and avoided everyone mostly. WE were ok but not ok in a weird sort of way. Well then it got worse because he kept drinking heavy and fast. SO I hid all the hard liquor. Keep in mind Ruben and I both have to work at 2 places tomorrow. SO he is getting drunk off his butt and being a butt as well. I was just still so upset. Well it all ended in Ruben getting mad because I wouldn't get the liquor for him and he started yelling at me then I told everyone that Ruben was already drunk enough and that they needed to leave. Well it didn't help, they said ok but when I got back inside Ruben wanted to leave with them. So I stood in front of the door blocking it and Ruben's family talked me out of it of course. He went with his brother Albert. Who I don't mind so much but since then, which was about 9:30, I have been sitting contemplating if maybe I shouldn't be with Ruben cause I'm not making him happy if I can't handle his drinking. SO I have been sitting in the back room crying and listening to love songs, while trying to debate if I should tell Ruben that maybe he's right and we shouldn't be together after 3 years of what has been a 90% great relationship and 10% a little bit rocky. But now it seems that 10% is going to kick me in the ass. Maybe he needs to be able to drink and party freely more than we need this relationship. I am so confused and still crying cause I don't have a clue what to do. I love him and I can't stand thinking about ending us. But at the same time I am so frustrated with having to be the bad guy cause I don't like drinking and everyone he hangs out with are practically if not alcoholics. I'm stuck. I'm caught. I'm frustrated. I'm sad. And I'm still crying, lost now more than ever. . . .