Nature's Reflections

Copyright: Maria 2009



Water rippling through the breeze


Sounds of long forgotten memories


Pasts that led us to the now


All along questioning every how


Left as though forgotten


Feeling every bit of rotten


Searching within our mind


Finding we are completely blind


Not looking in the past to see


Friends once omitted, back to comfort thee


Winds once howling now pass by


As though releasing a silent cry


Nature’s burden now crystal clear


Was all along just internal fear


Screaming from once deep inside


Come to life the parts that died


Once invisible and left for broken


Now treated like a cherished token


Bright colors now sweeping in


Sprinkling kisses against shimmering skin


Trees sway from side to side


And the world’s colors cannot hide


Ghosts from the cold dreary nights of past


Sweep pain out of sight at long last


Seeing now with open eyes


Stars dazzle among the skies


Sunsets leading to sunrises


Bringing forth with them sweet surprises


With dreams now as my guide


No longer from the world shall I hide


Reflecting now the emotions within


Nature sighs leaving but a simple grin

Addicted

I like music very much. Every now and again I write song lyrics. I'm working on finding someone to help me make them more than just lyrics. Until then here is one of the songs I have written. Let me know what you think and please if you know anyone let me know who can help let me know!

Copyright: Maria 2009

V1: Where can I find you

Just to share with you

This emotion that is strong and true

My life, my world, and my love

It surrounds you

This feeling inside is overcoming me

If you look inside you will see

Chorus: I'm addicted to this feeling

That hides so deep inside

My heart is beating quickly

And I feel like I could fly

V2: Can you feel it too?

Are you addicted too?

Is it overcoming you?

I can't run and I can't hide

It's always there

Always so deep inside

Chorus

V3: It makes me feel alive

Without it I

Couldn't survive

I'm waiting here for you to arrive

Can you tell me it's true?

Are you in love with me too?

Are you addicted too?

Cause I'm addicted to this feeling

Baby it's true

I'm addicted to this feeling

And now I'm addicted to you

So addicted to you

Tell me you're

Addicted too

Tell me you love me

Tell me you care

Tell me baby

You'll always be there

Chorus

V4: And now I'm addicted to you

So addicted to you

Baby, I'm addicted to you.

Catching up.

I know it's been a really long while since I wrote. While this blog is dedicated to my less journal like writings, I just wanted to post and say I'm back. So this and my other blog will be getting updated more regularly.

Left Alone

What do you do when the past is no longer past and the present begins to hold no meaning? How do you find time for the memories of yesterday?

Traveling along this road seemed certain.
Following my heart felt right.
It helped me get through even the darkest night.
Now it seems I no longer have the might.
This night is cold and it surrounds me.
There is no way out, no way to find my yesterday.
Memories to long forgotten, can not be reclaimed.
I spend my time assuming my role.
I am but one person on this planet.
I am but one less, this time one less than whole.
Somehow the words are no longer comforting.
Somehow life took it away from me.
Viewing out on the path ahead of me everything is in it's place.
It's all there, but there's no longer a name or face.
How do we find time to remember what we have forgotten?
How do you stop others from the pain inside?
There exists miracles, but how do you get them in time?
Faceless dreams and words unspoken,
hopes and fears and hearts left broken.
It seemed so certain, this road I traveled.
Now it seems so broken,
Left untraveled, on this road I stand alone.
Slowly everyone is taken.
What seemed so certain now seems mistaken.
How do I face this road alone?
The only way left no longer feels right.
How can I do this without you by my side?
The road winds, twists, and turns,
Yet you tell me I'm strong enough
This shouldn't burn, but how it burns.
Trusting my heart I continue on.
Until eventually everything is gone.
I stand alone, no one to hear me cry.
I stand alone, no one to see me die.
My heart is ripped and my soul is torn.
I thought you said I could go it alone.
I am strong, or so it seems,
but I must confess, an awakening?
There is no more strength for me.
Only enough to make you believe.
The path I travel seems so broken,
It's as though we have never spoken
I find a glimpse of sun to hold.
And again before I know it all turns cold.
This certainty has not been left for me.
I turn around in hopes to see
what I left, what I need.
And there's no one there.
No one to care for me.
I hold my head up high and I push,
Trying to make it though this,
Still striving for a day,
when less pain came my way.
How do I stop it?
How do you see?
Slowly there is nothing left in me.
I travel this road alone,
I continue to push and fight
for what it is my heart finds right.
I no longer know, how it came to be
how this road left only me.
The advice I know comes down to this,
All we can do is hope and wish,
to find ourselves amongst all this.
I push and I strive for those dreams left unknown,
I push and I strive not to be alone.

Today

Today God took my daddy.
Now he is without pain.
But I miss him so.
I don't know how or where to go.
No matter what I say or do, today God took my daddy.
I miss him so, it's so hard to let go.
Today God took my daddy.

Daddy

Daddy:
Hold on tight daddy.
Don't let go.
I need you so.
I know it's hard,
And the pain is rough.
But daddy I love you so.
So please don't let go.

You are my strength and my world.

I love you so.

Just please don't let go.

Daddy, you are my hero.

You make my world what it is.

Without you I would be so very alone.

I still have so much growing up to do.

So please hold on for me.

Daddy, I love you so.

So please just don't let go....

Don't Take Him

God:
Hear my prayer.
I know that you care.
I need you to let him stay with me.
I need you to take away his pain.
Help him to learn and make it all better.
Help him to know you're there.
I can't do this without him.
I'll always need him there.
He is my strength on this earth, Lord.
He is my daddy.
Please help him to feel no pain.
But please do so without taking him away.
I can't do this life without him.
I can't stop crying and I can't stop this pain.
I can't make it go away until I know he is okay.
It's welling up inside me, and a part of me is dying.
I can't live this life without him.
I still have so much growing up to do.
Please, don't take my daddy.
Not today, or for a long long time.
Please don't take my daddy,
God he's mine....
Help me have the strength to make it through.
Help me Lord,
Don't take my daddy....

Can I Fit In, Please?

I'm in this world of mine alone.
No room for me to fit in.
Others around me come and go.
And still there's noone I know.
I sit at night and cry.
Slowly a part of me dies.
I'm in this world alone.
Noone to reach, not even by phone.
It's strange to see.
Noone's here but me.
So much space,
Yet noone has a place.
I wonder why,
And at night I cry.
Why can't I fit in?
Why can't I have a friend?
Is there something wrong with me?
Is it my life to suffer?
Noone knows, noone cares.
Maybe cause there's noone there.
I sit in these four walls.
And slowly my death it calls.
This world I'm in can bear no friends.
And I sit here all alone.
Just one question, that I might ask?
Would it be to hard of a task?
Can I fit in with you one day?
Can we go out and play?
This world I'm in,
Leaves me a lone.
I sit and ponder,
Will there every be a world
With anyone but me?
Can I fit in, please?

Tonight I Drowned

I'm drowning in this world I'm in
Noone to save me
Not even a friend.
Where did my life go?
How is it all getting to me?
It's true life's driven me past crazy.
What do I do where do I go?
Noone notices my pain
There all busy with their own little games.
No reason to smile.
No reason to frown.
I sit here unnoticed,
Until I have drowned.
Would you notice if I went away?
Never to return again, never to stay?
How long would it take you?
More than a day?
What do you do when life gets in your way?
I'm drowning quickly
And I can't see a person to save me
Before there is no more me.
I have no strength,
I feel nothing but pain.
Simple put there's nothing left of me,
Nothing left in my world but rain.
Would you notice?
Do you even care.
I see you say you do.
I hear you say you're there.
But I can't see you now.
All I see is water rushing over me
As I slowly drown.
This pain is killing me.
None of you can see.
There's nothing left to me.
You all say you know me.
But please point me the person that does.
Because none of you see me drowning.
None of you care.
It's all a bunch of pretending.
All thoughts that are untrue.
The water's coming quicker.
And none of you noticed.
But tonight,
I drowned.

This World I'm In

I sit inside my world and cry.
Slowly everything around me dies.
This world I'm in bears no friend's
and alone I sit and sigh.
Terror surrounds me and inside I scream.
I wish this life were but a bad bad dream.
Unfortunatly I find that I truly am alive
and this world I'm in steals away my drive.
Fighting to survive, daring to be but alive
this world I'm in no longer wants me to thrive.
The pain and strife takes away my life
Inside this world it cuts like a knife.
My shoulders have now become outweighed.
In this world I sit afraid.
I no longer know what to do.
I sit wishing I could bid this world adieu.
Until I can I sit and dream,
And while I dream inside I scream.
This world I'm in leaves me full of pain and strife.
This world I'm in cuts like a knife.

Today, What a day!

I scream from the mountain tops as though liberated. My soul sings from the sky. It is today that I have become a person again. Today that I realize that the world is mine. The wind blows and the earth blossoms around me. My world is opening up. One event that can harbor so many intentions, on word that can express so much fear. Today I am untouchable. Around me voices scream with all intentions of hurting me. Today none of that matters. For today I am me again. My world is full of happiness. You see rain clouds. I smell the fresh air, full of so much joy. You see pain, I see strength. Today the world carries a new outlook. Today I search the skies to find that all smiles down on me. Today will be the beginning of may days to come. You will see. Today is the day that I am whole again.

If I knew

Author: Unknown

If I knew it would be the last time

that I'd see you fall asleep,

I would tuck you in tighter

and pray the Lord your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time

that I see you walk out the door,

I would give you a hug and kiss

and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time

I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise

I would videotape each action and word

so I could hear them day after day

If I knew it would be the last time

I could spare an extra minute or two,

to stop and say "I love you,"

instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time

I would be there to share your day,

well I'm sure you'll have so many more

so I can let just one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow

to make up for an oversight,

and we always get a second chance

to make everything right.

Small bits of work

*As I lay me down to sleep, dreams of forever let me peep, a world of tomorrow shall I seek, till then off for a peep is where I shall remain, silent and unbroken, I feel no pain.
*Surrounded by a sea of sorrow, where there seems to be no tomorrow. Living a life that's full of nothing but pain and strife. For once in this life, I wish for a tomorrow with no sorrow. A tomorrow where people realize the course of their actions. Time to give up, time to give in, no time to do this or that... Hell no time to live.... Continuing down a road of sorrow, endlessly walking and trudging for no tomorrow.
*Would you notice if I went away never to return? Would you even have a thought of concern? Living in a life that leaves me all alone, sitting in a place of the unknown. Facing a world of pain and fears, striving to end the rain of tears. Sitting in a world of the unknown, left with nothing but to be alone. Would you even notice if I went away? Would you even try to make me stay?

How Do You Tell?

Alone in the back room Stacey sat staring at the computer screen. There was so much she knew she needed to be doing. But she couldn't help but impatiently wait for the phone to ring. She wanted to pick up and dial his number again but she knew she shouldn't. There was no point he wouldn't answer and would just pretend later that he didn't hear it. Chad always acted that way, it was how Stacey knew he would be coming home buzzed if not drunk. It was a bad night when this happened. As much as she tried to be a supportive girlfriend, she would always get mad and then they would fight. I know he's going to get into trouble one of these times thought Stacey. I just don't understand why drinking and partying is so important to him. Everything he goes out I get to sit here and worry. It's driving me mad she thought. She continued to stare at the screen begging herself not to call as the hours slowly and painfully crept on. Finally about one in the morning Chad called. Crabby as usually and of course he sounded buzzed. He and his mom were going out for food and he thought he would be considerate and find out what she wanted. Damn it she thought in her head. How does he always drink so much around her? She was frustrated and angered all at the same time. " I don't care" she calmly said as he argued about pizza. They hung up after a few more times of her nonchalant answers. As brief as I can and I won't get mad she thought. Chad pulled in the driveway and the clock showed that it was already three. So much for home soon she thought as Chad fumbled with his keys at the door. "Where are you?" boomed Chad's voice in the previously silent house. Silently she sat holding her breath waiting for what would be next. Sleep started creeping in her eyes as she said " I'm going to bed." " What the hell did I get you food for?" came his response moments later. Stacey felt she shouldn't reply and instead slipped into bed. Laying awake she listened to his conversations with his mom. Stupid, it's all stupid she repeated in her head as she turned over. She lay there thinking. One of these days I will get him to understand. " You have no right to be mad you know." hollered Chad's mom. Stupid people thought Stacey as a tear fell from her eye. One of these days I will let him know how I really feel. Exhausted she didn't' know what to do. She played over the fights they always had and wished desperately that he would see. There was always a temper about him after he had been drinking, even if it was only one and worse on the days it was more. She had thought about earlier that night. How he got mad and threw the fan because she didn't want to eat with him and his mom. "If you don't come in there y the time I start the movie you'll regret it" he breathed into her ear. She felt a tear roll down her eye. How can someone so great be so mean at times she thought as she restlessly changed positions again. Her hand still hurt a little from where the fan hit her. He never meant to hurt her, but somehow when he'd been drinking he always managed to break a little piece of her heart away. How do you tell someone? She thought. How can you express the pain they bring to you? How can you make then see? She asked herself as the tears now poured down her face and onto her pillow. How do you tell someone that you love that they break your heart at times? How do you tell someone the experiences you have and make them feel it? How do you tell someone that influences made all the difference? How do you tell someone so dear that when they drink every drink comes back to hurt not only them but you? How do you explain life without pain? How do you tell? Silently her thoughts screamed. How do you tell that person who is your soulmate that life, the way they live it is a bad influence? How do you tell the one who is your world that life got in the way? With more tears than ever before, Stacey had drifted asleep. Into a sleep of quite somber where the pain of life went away. How do you tell them life got in the way? How do you tell someone so close that they are so far away?

A Day Like Today

A cold chill whipped through the air and the wind brought a smell of fresh rain. The sky outside was dark and gray. The tree were bare and the grass was no longer green but brown. There was no sign of life to be found. Sitting on a lonely park bench sat Courtney. Huddled in her sweatshirt she looked around. There were no people around her. Just the graveyard that lay lurking across the street. Creepy she thought as the street lamps flickered on. She welcomed the newfound light, hoping it would bring some warmth. She wasn't quite sure what had made her decide to visit the park today. Maybe is was the quiet peace, maybe it was the fresh smell of rain, or maybe it was the comfort of knowing noone would find her or the tears that were streaming down her face. She couldn't remember why she came out here, she just knew that there she was. Alone and cold on that wooden bench. The dirt pathway a few feet in front of her showed no footsteps, no track to where she was. Alone... She thought. Staring out into the sky without a thought passing her mind hours passed. The sky that was earlier gray was now black. No sign of stars, for the clouds were still covering the sky, all was dark but the moon and the street lamps that were flickering on and off. Suddenly she heard a sound. Startled she jumped up and started scanning her surroundings. Off in the distance she saw a squirrel chasing after a fallen acorn. Her heart still pounding she returned to the bench to sit a while longer. Somehow being alone made her feel better. Thoughts started rushing back into her head as she sat there, paying no attention to the world around her. Why would this be? She thought. How did my life become what it is. Neither bad nor good but just there. Was it my fault? Will it ever change? When will I stop desiring to be alone yet yearning for friends? How can my every though be a contradiction. When will it all feel okay? Not knowing what these thoughts meant or why she was thinking them she shook them away. Suddenly she realized she had been crying harder then ever. The tears felt warm streaming down her cold face. She curled up next to the arm of the bench and just stared outward. Watching everything and breathing in the now even colder air she shuddered. What was it about a day like today that was so terrifying yet so comforting? She stared as thunder and lightning struck a few feet in front of her. She shivered and tuck into a tighter ball on the park bench. She continued to stare into the world in front of her. It was so close yet she seemed to be distanced from everything in the world. A few more tears found their way down Courlyn's face and she didn't bother to wipe them away. She was too busy thinking about life and how she loved being alone ona day like today. She could face the world without worrying. She couldn't figure out what it was about a day like today that brought all these feelings rushing out. Before she knew it she was asleep on the bench, the rain pouring down on her already soaked clothes. The wind soared and she couldn't help but shiver, even asleep she couldn't figure out what it was baout a day like today.
Beth turned the page silently. Rainy days with nothing to do were her favorite. It gave her all the time in the world to be cuddled up on the couch with a cover and a good book. Today it was A Life Yet to be Lived by: Alberta Vacuine. It was a lovely tale about a wizarding world and the trials that everyday life presented. Beth always loved books that she could drift away in and become the characters. The wind whipped outside harder then ever and she tightly pulled up her covers. " On a lonely park bench sat Courlyn" began the book. And off to the lonely park bench went Beth. Lightning and thunder struck outside and Beth was pulled back into her world all too quickly. She pulled up the covers and rolled on her side, she drifted back into her book. Oh how she loved days like today, but she had no idea why.